


In the Forbidden Forest

by RachelisTheWendyBird



Series: In the Life of Severus Snape [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animal Death, Apologies, Brutality, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Cruelty, F/M, Friendship, Hogwarts, Male-Female Friendship, The Forbidden Forest, Thestrals, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1292347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelisTheWendyBird/pseuds/RachelisTheWendyBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fourth scene in the life of Severus Snape, in which he and Lily talk in the forbidden forest among the thestrals, and Severus relives a painful memory</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Forbidden Forest

**Author's Note:**

> It should be noted that this scene contains a story that contains cruelty, and some may find it disturbing and many should find it heartbreaking.

Lily sat alone on her bed in the girl’s dormitory. It was still light, but she could tell evening was drawing near. And it was a beautiful summer evening. Everything was still, peaceful, and warm. All the other fifth years were celebrating the end of exams, milling about on the grounds, and wandering the halls idly, free from the pressure of homework and studying. But Lily could not feel happy.

It had been two weeks since she had spoken to Severus, outside the portrait hole in the middle of the night. She had been angry at first, when the feeling of betrayal was still fresh in her mind. She had ignored Severus, and her indignation had been strong for several days. But it had worn off now. This wasn’t something to end a lifelong friendship over. And when Lily has seen Severus in class and at mealtimes, he had seemed so forlorn. It made her sad to see him like that. 

But all of Lily’s friends kept telling her not to bother with him, that he was a terrible friend, and he deserved to be tormented by James. And Severus hadn’t spoken to her in all that time either. She was afraid that he felt betrayed, too. 

Lily stood up, restless. She walked over to the window and leaned against the glass, looking out at the grounds. She wanted to make up with Severus, but she didn’t know how. And she didn’t know where to find Severus alone. 

Lily watched the grounds, empty now that it was almost time for the end of term feast, with a slight frown on her face. She wished that the scene under the beech tree had never happened. She wished she had accepted Severus’ apology. Why was it so complicated?

A flicker of movement caught Lily’s eye. She stared; the grounds were not deserted after all! A solitary figure made its way towards the forbidden forest. Lily knew who it was. Even from here there was no mistaking that dark shape; it was Severus. 

Lily stood frozen by the window for a few moments, watching Severus disappear into the trees. It was their last day. Tomorrow they would be leaving for home, and she might not see him for the whole summer. That, surely, was too late. Lily ran from the window down to the common room, then climbed out of the portrait hole and sprinted through the halls, down the marble staircase, and out the front doors into the grounds. She did not stop running till she reached the trees. 

Lily stopped when she reached the path she had seen Severus take. She hesitated; she had never gone that way before. But she knew this was her last chance. She plunged into the trees. 

Lily had been walking for about ten minutes when she saw Severus’ footprints leave the path. She hesitated again, but her desire to see Severus won out against her caution. The footprints were difficult to follow through the underbrush. Once in awhile she had to kneel down to find them. After about ten more minutes she came to a clearing. She peered into it from behind a large oak. In the middle of the clearing stood Severus. 

Lily watched Severus silently from behind her tree. He was standing with his back to her, and strangely enough, seemed to be stroking the air in front of him. Lily frowned, wondering at this, until she remembered the name; thestrals. Lily knew the creatures could only be seen by people who had seen death. They were invisible to her. But apparently not to Severus. She wondered who Severus had seen die. 

“I know you’re there, Lily,” came Severus’ voice, making Lily jump. 

“How could you tell?” She replied, smiling.

“You never knew how to be quiet. I could hear you stumbling through the trees a mile away.”

Lily laughed, then made her way into the clearing to stand by Severus’ side. He did not look at her.

“How many thestrals are here?” Lily asked, her voice low.

“Three,” Severus replied, still not looking at her. “There are always a few in this clearing. They must like it here.”

His hand was still resting oddly on what seemed to be plain air. He seemed so forlorn. It pained Lily to look at him. She wished she had not been so cold towards him.

“Who did you see die?” Lily asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Severus was silent for a long time, and Lily thought he wouldn’t answer. But finally he spoke.

“When I was seven, I had a little white bunny. I found her in the garden one late summer afternoon, under a rosemary bush. She was only a baby. I decided to take care of her. I knew if my father saw her he would be angry, so I made her a cage out of wicker and kept her in the garden. She would be my secret. I called her Rosemary, because of where I found her. Also, I had always loved the smell and taste of that particular herb. I fed her salad from the table, and plants from the garden. Rosemary was my only joy. When I was sad I would go out to the garden and hold her in my lap, and she would nuzzle my cheek with her pink nose.

“After a few weeks it started to get to cold to leave her outside. I was terrified the frost would kill her. So I brought her cage inside and hid her under my bed. She never made a noise, and she stayed a secret. Until one day, I forgot fasten the latch on her basket. She got out, and began wandering the house. I searched everywhere, quietly and frantically. But my father found her first.

“He was drunk, of course. He grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and barreled around the house, screaming for me. He found me in the kitchen looking through the cupboards. ‘IS THIS RAT YOURS!’ he shouted. I nodded, trembling. I said, ‘please Sir, if you’ll just give her back to me, I promise you’ll never see her again. I’ll take her away to the woods, I promise!’ But he just laughed and jeered. ‘I don’t think so. I think you need to be taught a lesson. You WILL watch this!’ With that he grabbed me and dragged me to the table.

“I was terrified. I didn’t know what he planned to do. He went over to the counter, and picked up an oyster mallet. Then he walked back to the table and pinned Rosemary down on it. He raised the mallet over her. Then I knew what he was going to do. I begged him not to do it, but he just laughed and brought the mallet down on my bunny. I screamed. He laughed, and hit her again and again. I kept screaming, and my mother came running in and put her arms around me, holding me tight to keep me from running at my father. After a cruelly long time he stopped, picked up my bunny, and flung her at me. I caught her in my arms. My mother released me, and my father came over and dragged her away into the drawing room. I could her them screaming at each other, but I didn’t care. I ran out into the garden and sat down by the rosemary bush.

“I cradled my lovely white bunny in my arms, stroking her and sobbing. My poor Rosemary. I didn’t understand death then. How could something be alive one moment, and dead the next? It wasn’t fair. Why did everything I love have to fall to waste? I couldn’t bear it.

“I stayed out in the garden until nightfall. No one came looking for me. I went over to the shed and got a little shovel. Then I found a lovely white stone that looked like it could be a pillow. I dug the grave under the rosemary bush. When the hole was deep enough, I laid my bunny down in it, and covered her with flowers and sprigs of rosemary, so the dirt wouldn’t get on her fur. I put the dirt back in, then placed the pillow stone where her head would be. 

“Sometimes when I’m sad, I go and sit by the rosemary bush and talk to her. I still love the smell and taste of rosemary.”

When Severus finished speaking he looked over at Lily. She saw his face change, and she realized her face was frozen in a mask of horror. She looked away, tears stinging in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Severus said uncomfortably. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that story. But you asked.”

Lily nodded, then whispered, “I thought you had to see a person die.”

“Why? Someone I loved died right before my eyes. Why should that not count?”

Lily nodded again, then reached over to take Severus’ hand. She squeezed it, and he squeezed back. 

“Where is the thestral?” Lily whispered.

Severus to up her hand and guided it forward. She could feel the thestral under her hand. It felt soft, leathery, and cold. Severus’ hand stayed on top of hers, guiding it along the thestral’s neck and face. 

“Why did you come here?” Severus asked. 

“I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Severus repeated, incredulous. “For what? You have nothing to apologize for!”

“I’m sorry for being so cold towards you. I shouldn’t have ignored you. I should have accepted your apology that night by the portrait hole. I could see how sorry you were. But I was angry.”

“You had every right to be angry. I should never have called you Mudblood, even by accident. It was my mistake. My mother taught me to hate muggles because of what my father is. But I know they’re not all like that.”

“It’s okay. I’m not mad anymore. But why didn’t you try to talk to me again?”

“I knew you were right to be mad at me. Everything you said about me was true. And it never made sense for you to care for me in any way, whether it be as siblings, friends, or—or more than friends.”

“I’ve always loved you, Severus. And I always will, in some way or another. I just wish you’d let me help you.”

Lily stared into Severus’ dark eyes, and he stared back into her green ones. In that moment she say the poor boy who had lost his only friend. And she realized he had been afraid that was happening again. She would not let that happen.

“I’m trying Lily. It’s hard.”

Lily put her arms around Severus, holding him tightly to her. He held her back.

“I know it is,” She murmured into his cloak. “Let me help you.”

Severus said nothing, but Lily felt him nod. She pulled back and looked into his face.

“Come to the feast with me, Severus. Tomorrow we will be on the train home, and we shall have the whole summer to ourselves.”

Severus smiled a rare smile.

“Lead the way, Lily.”

And together they walked back to the castle.

•••

Severus walked closely behind Lily as they made their way back to the castle. He was so happy they had made up. But still, he felt sad. For somehow, he felt that things weren’t quite the same between them. He knew Lily was not acknowledging some things, and try as he might, he could not forget her words from by the portrait hole. Somehow, Severus felt that Lily would never love him the way he loved her; as more than friends.


End file.
